Ladybugs
by Merope16
Summary: Set within/after "Don't leave me this way". What happens between Lily and Bug after she runs off her wedding with Jeffrey?


**Ladybugs**

„The wedding is off…"  
The words still echoed in her head. She had no idea how to feel. Remembering the hurt in Jeffrey's eyes made a wave of guiltiness overflow her. What did she just do? And why did she feel so relieved now? She just cancelled her wedding – She should be desperate, devastated or at least having some doubts, regretting it. She felt nothing like that. A few hours ago she was about to spend the rest of her life with Jeffrey and now she felt freer with every meter she got away from him. Why didn't she want to go back, comfort him, make him feel better? _Because you don't love him. _

Lily pressed the lift button. It wasn't until then that she realized she was at the morgue. Was she doing the right thing? Her ethics spoke to her again – She should be at the cancelled wedding. Compensating her guests for her change of mind. Explaining Jeffrey her change of heart…but she couldn't. There was only one person that she wanted to see right now. What could she tell Jeffrey, anyway? That she was too blind to see what was right in front of her, but that his rushed wedding had helped her seeing it?

"5th floor. Forensic Institute Boston.", a familiar mechanical voice announced. At least someone was still talking to her.

Lily wasn't even sure if he was here - or what she should tell him, if he was. She headed to the entomology labor, as he might be working. That was probably what Bug would do in such a situation. _I would probably sit on my couch with a giant cup of vanilla ice cream, while watching "Titanic". _Well, now she had a back-up plan if the conversation wouldn't go as planned.

Nervous as she was, she ran against a cupboard and a box fell down. Her heart jumped, as the content flew straight out of the box. _Bloody hell! _Then she saw it. First, she was just happy that the box wasn't inhabited by one of Bug's tarantulas, but then she saw what had been in the box. Ladybugs - now flying all over the labor. Lily nearly started to cry. If that wasn't a sign, what else would be?!

Now more bent on her decision she headed to his bureau, where he was sitting at his desk. He was slowly shaking to a song she didn't hear, as he was using headphones. A few steps closer she recognized that he was browsing through what looked like old photo albums. Lily hesitated for a moment, then moved on. _Now or never._

_- original Crossing Jordan dialogue -_

"Lily!"

"Why aren't you at my wedding?"

"I couldn't see you marry him…Why aren't you at your wedding?"

"I couldn't marry him."

"Why not?"

"He's not you."

_- original Crossing Jordan dialogue -_

It was done. She had said it.

Bug stared at her for a few seconds, then started to smile shyly.

"Oh…well, in that case…", he started, but couldn't go on.

In a struck of sudden relief Lily had kissed him. A real kiss. He could smell her sweet scent, while touching her soft lips. He didn't know how long he had dreamed of this, but he knew now that if he had waited eternities for it, it still would have been worth it.

After what seemed way too short, she backed off. Her cheeks had turned into an adorable red and she was looking at the ground, but smiling.

"Sorry, I…", Lily was looking for words.

Bug knew her well enough, to not go any farther. She was probably feeling totally miserable for cancelling the wedding. Hurting other people's feelings – that wasn't something Lily could easily do. The more it meant to him that she had actually done it. For him. A few seconds ago, he thought he would never be happy again and now this. It felt completely surreal.

Lily tried again. "Listen, Bug…I have no idea what to do now. I…"

"Stop." She was blaming herself for what happened today and now even more for kissing Bug, just an hour after leaving Jeffrey. What she needed was a bit of distraction. "Stop thinking about it now, Lily. I know you. You're going to wear you down for all of that early enough. Let's go on the+++ roof. The stars look beautiful today!"

Lily sighed. "Oh well, I could rather use a drink than stars right now, but it's a nice start." She gave him a little half-smile and he immediately melted.

"Everything your heart desires, milady." Bug said in a fun-voice. Lily now really started laughing. "You sound like Nigel!" As a response he just made a face and pulled a Whiskey bottle out of his drawer.

"I actually planned drinking it alone tonight, but I wouldn't mind some company."

"I think I could arrange that.", smirked Lily and headed off to the roof.

A little gust blew over the morgue's roof as Lily and Bug reached it. He had been right - it was a bright starry night. Under different circumstances Lily would probably have found the whole situation utterly romantic. Sitting side by side, covert in a blanket (she wasn't keen to know where the morgue's blankets were kept though) with the Single Malt warming her from the inside and Bug warming her from the outside. But Lily slowly started to panic over what she had done. Nearly everyone who meant something to her was there when she ran away. How could they ever forgive her? She took a grand nip of the whiskey and then it broke out:

"Gosh, Bug, what did I just do? I ruined what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life! Not that it was – it rather felt like the worst day of my life, but how could I do this? How could I act like such a b****? As if I'm not giving a damn on all of their feelings! God!", Lily spluttered.

She looked to Bug, only to see that he was smiling a little. Wasn't he taking her serious?

"What?!", she snapped a bit harsher than intended. He immediately stopped smiling.

"Sorry, it's just odd to hear you swearing this way." he answered quickly. "Look, Lily. It's not like the decision you made is irreversible. I'm sure if you talk to him, Jeffrey will…"

"No, that's not what I meant!" Lily cut him off when she saw the familiar doggy and melancholic look on his face. She hated that look and she had already provoked it more often than she wished+ she had. "Really, that's not what I meant. I'm not regretting this. Not at all! I wouldn't stand dancing to "_Only You"_ with Jeffrey while secretly wishing to run away! Especially now that I know that you'd have spent the night with dear Single Malt and bittersweet memories! I'm rather here than anywhere else at this moment. It's just…the things that I've done today…that's not me! It was the right decision, but I'm afraid that no one will understand that."

She ended with a sigh. _Great, Lily! A few more of such comments and you'll successfully ruin the last bit of romance. _Insecure, she looked to Bug again, who just stared at her. Then after what seemed an eternity:

"Have I ever told you how I came from Liverpool to Boston's morgue?" he said.

"Ehm, no. Well, you mentioned that you got a scholarship for pediatrics at the Boston University, but that's all." she answered a little confused.

"Yeah, that's right. I got one at Cambridge too though. It was pretty good actually – fully paid and the pediatrics degree is highly accredited." began Bug.

"Wow…so why didn't you take it?" asked Lily, still a bit confused.

"That's the question, right? My parents were thrilled when they heard of it. Probably the only time they've ever been proud of me…My professor at Oxford had recommended me. When he heard that I got the scholarship he kept talking about how great opportunities are. Everyone was happy for me and made plans…they've just forgotten to ask me if I wanted to go there. You know, I never really felt home in England, so after graduation I was looking for a different place, somewhere where I might belong. A place I could call home."

"Why didn't you go back to India?"

"I did think about it, but living door by door with the rest of my family? No, thanks!"

"You don't get along with them very well, do you?"

"Well, they've never forgiven me what happened to Prajit, so…"

Bug stared into space and Lily wasn't sure what to answer. His brother was a difficult subject and he had actually never spoken about it with her. Nigel had told her that Bug had a brother, who died at an early age, but that was all she knew. Before she could reply anything, Bug carried on with his story.

"Anyway! I stumbled over Boston University and I kind of liked the city and the idea of studying there. My parents can't stand America, so that was probably another reason for coming here. I sold everything I had and came here against all good advice, just because it felt right. Guess what happened on my first day abroad?"

"You ran into Miss America who gave you a lottery prize of one million dollar?"

"Not exactly. I got robbed."

"You're kidding me!"

"No, really. I lost my seed money of $1000."

"Oh dear…how horrible!"

"That's what I thought first, but actually it wasn't! Ok, the first week was tough. I couldn't pay the deposit for my apartment, so I slept in a pretty bad motel. I was probably quite lucky that I didn't get robbed again at that place, because years later I picked up a pretty mangled body there…Anyway, I had to quickly find a side job and I did – at the Rose Kennedy Greenway Conservancy."

"Ooh, lots of bugs!"

"Exactly! I worked there as a park officer and it actually deepened my interest in entomology."

"So that's what made you Bug! If it hadn't been for the thief, I'd be sitting here with Mahesh instead."

"Would you like him too?"

"Probably, but I would miss a bit of his geekiness."

Bug laughed. "Well, good to know…During my first months here I actually started to prefer my side job over my studies. They were just…horrible."

"I'm sure you're exaggerating! I can't imagine that you're not good with children! You're this kind of daddy-guy."

"Daddy-guy! Haha, no, not really. Remember your little runaway who kicked me at my shins?"

"Ahh, he was just confused and had lost his friend. That doesn't count!"

"The kids at Boston's children hospital didn't like me much either, you know. Uncle Haha was more popular!"

Lily sniffed half-seriously.

"Don't talk about him!"

"Sorry!" Bug quickly added.

"You were their doctor. Who likes the guy with the needles, he? I don't think it had anything to do with you as a person."

"I don't know…I realized that this job wasn't what I expected it to be. You'd think that cutting bodies open would be difficult, but I found it much harder to watch a 3-year-old dying with nothing you can do against it. We're dealing with the result – being the cause is terrible. At college I could treat each fictional patient like a math problem, but if they actually talk to you…"

Lily patted his hand in sympathy. She knew how Bug worked – rationally and emotionally uninvolved. The last time he changed that, he nearly ended like the body whose identity he was trying to find out. According to that, it was probably the best to keep a distance to the case…unless you're name is Jordan Cavanaugh of course.

When she became aware of holding his hand, she quickly pulled it back and cleared her throat.

"So…how did you become a pathologist instead?"

"I was working at the park when this young couple passed by. The man couldn't have been older than I was at that time. He bought her an ice cream and dropped dead."

"What do you mean? He just dropped dead – out of nowhere?"

"Exactly. One moment he was laughing, flirting with his girlfriend – the other one he was dead. Obviously, I was the first doctor around, so I tried to help, but I couldn't do anything else than telling her that he wasn't breathing."

"Oh my gosh…but how? People don't just drop dead every day!"

"That's what she asked me too, you know. She became totally hysterical and kept asking me what had happened, but I couldn't tell. Secretly I was asking myself the same question. I just thought that he was my age and it could have been me. I needed to know why he died…I was probably just afraid of his unknown death. Sounds foolish, doesn't it? Respecting how many bodies we see every day. But I don't know…it changed something inside me."

"That doesn't sound foolish at all, Bug. We all experience these little moments that seem unimportant, but stay with us forever. You were having a difficult time and then you've seen this man die right in front of you – of course it changed you. And it's a far better reason to come to this morgue than I had!"

"Come on, you came here to help suffering relatives to cope with their loss. That's a far better reason than fear and curiosity!"

"Aah, you forget that I started here as a secretary! I began the grief counseling thing after my first weeks here – actually after realizing that I was completely overwhelmed with my work."

"Now you're saying it… I remember a pretty nervous freshman who asked me if I'm doing autopsy on insects."

"I haven't!"

"You have" Bug started to laugh. "But I think you just wanted to start a conversion. It was actually quite cute."

Lily shook her head, half-smiling. "Gosh, how embarrassing…I was so silly."

"No, you weren't! A bit blue-eyed maybe…ah, come on, we all liked you from the beginning!"

"You can hardly say anything else now, can you? Anyway, go on with your story!"

"Tell me your reason for starting here first!"

"Alright, let's just say I was looking for a job in Boston and working at a morgue seemed to be good way to prove my mom and my ex that I'm not a Mary Sue."

"Your ex?"

"Is this going to be a questioning? Well, let's just say that not everything of Antonio was as grand as his height."

"You mean…"

"His brain, Bug. I'm talking about his brain! He was a terrible airhead!"

"Yeah…that's what I thought. You were talking about his brain."

Lily chuckled and gently thumbed his arm.

"Go ahead. You were at the park…and then?"

"Then I met Dr. Macy."

"Garret? It was his case?"

"Yeah, pretty much of a coincidence, isn't it? Well, he allowed me to accompany him to the morgue and attend the autopsy."

"Really?"

"Yeah…it was very nice of him actually. He probably knew that I was about to become a pathologist, before I knew it."

"Wise Garret…I guess he had a good sense for the right staff. Hasn't he gotten Jordan from the cardio surgery? "

"I think so. Dr. Macy lured us all into the crypt!"

"Bug!"

"I'm not saying that it's a bad thing. Not at all! I was really lucky that he gave me the chance. Interested in how the man died? His brother had poisoned him to become the sole heir of the family's wealth."

"How dreadful…"

"It was good to give his girlfriend a reason though. I'm convinced it helped her. It always helps to know the reason. Well, after that day I changed my degree and started an internship at the morgue. So you see, Lily, although there were so many reasons for going back to England, for giving up the studies I was terribly failing at, I didn't and I haven't regretted it so far."

"There was no reason for regretting your decision."

"There wasn't, but a lot of people might have thought so."

Lily pulled her blanket a bit closer around her as a chilly breeze made her shiver. They weren't talking about working at the morgue or coming to Boston anymore. She knew that.

"How could you live with the decision, when you knew it made everyone that matters to you unhappy?"

Bug looked at her for a long while before he answered.

"Because I had to do this for myself. Listen Lily, I just want to say that sometimes the hardest decisions are the best."

Lily thought about that. She had never been good at doing something for herself, but he was right. Tonight she had made the only decision she could live with and that was the only thing that counted at that moment. And again, it wasn't like she was the only person who was happy about this.

"So what do we do now?"

"Ehm, sitting on the roof…for a bit longer maybe?"

"That's not what I meant. What do _we_ do now?"

Bug took a deep breath. She could see that he was looking for the right words.

"Maybe…maybe I should just repeat the question I asked you five years ago."

He gave her an innocent look and she started to laugh.

"Go ahead, insect man!"

"Alright. Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Lily looked up to the stars. The question sounded exactly like back then, only that her answer would be different this time. When she turned her head back to him, she could see that he was already getting nervous. _Come on, Lily, you've been mean enough today. _She leaned over to him and kissed him on the cheek, exactly how she did it five years ago.

"Bug, you're my best friend…"

Bug sighed. "Ok, I get it. I remember the last time."

"Shh! I hadn't finished! Now I have to start again! Bug, you're my best friend. I would love to date you."

He looked up, slightly irritated, then started to smile widely.

"Hey, that was pretty mean! Who are you and what have you done with Lily Lebowski?"

Although she was as glad as he was, she kept her faked serious face. _Just for a few more seconds._

"But there's something I gotta tell you, Bug…"

His smile faded a bit and he started to frown.

"I dropped your Ladybugs."

_**The End**_


End file.
